妈妈，我要你笑

I have been so tiring recently. Both mentally and physically. I wonder is my menses gonna revisit me again eversince her last visit in Sep-08, i am having the symptoms of PMS and super annoying mood swing. What's worse is hubby is outstation to Kunming and im gonna take care of the boys myself early in the morning and nights when it's usually the most chaotic moments of the days coz of breakfast time, rushing to school and settling for beds at night. ARGH.

And my short-temper is getting worse. I have lost control of it many times towards Zq. As long as his mischievous acts start to act up again i would scream and scold him with those harsh words. He would give me those hurtful looks and makes me feel so guilty..

I was so tired when i settled him for bed last night, brushed his teeth and changed his pyjamas silently as i was in no mood to joke and sing to him like all other nights.. He kept looking at me, trying to crack a joke that i was so tired and couldnt be bothered to flash a fake smile on my face, i could feel that he was hurt, and at last he said this to me “妈妈，我要你笑” and followed by a gentle stroke on my face..

My eyes turned teary immediately.. I am a bad mummy, how can i do all these things to hurt my little darling, i shouldnt vent my anger on him even if im exhausted and in losy mood. He is just a playful little boy and this is every kid nature.. I am so remorseful hurting him with those harsh words and annoying glares.. And all he care about is my feeling, he just want to make me smile..