9 months old

Ziqian is 9 months old... But very sadly, he lost his ah gong today...

Pa left us on 2am + this morning... Words cant express my grievances... It was so painful...

Pa had been ill due to lung infection & pneumonia for the past month. He was admited to hospital on early June for his 1st relapse, and discharged 2 weeks later. The antibiotic he continued to take after his discharge did not improve his condition at all and he fainted at home due to his breathelessness... He was admitted again and this time round straight to ICU as doctor said his condition was very severe and asked us to be mentally prepared... Dear was very affected, he kept staying by his side, talking and massaging him.. I never saw him so sad and cried so much before, it's my turn now to protect him...

My mum came and helped out to look after baby so i can go hospital and visit Pa. He was on breathing-aid devices , looking so weak, couldn't talk, couldn't open his eyes, could only respond to my talking by fidgeting abit.. I was teary, voice was shaky, seeing him lying there so helplessly really break my heart... We met Pa's boss cum good friend at hospital, he was a nice guy and he visited Pa everyday, he told us quite alot of things about Pa... Only now then we knew that Pa was a very popular guy in his company, his boss described him as a walking directory and Mr. Know All, he told us that Pa always praised lots about Ben in front of his good friends, he told everyone his eldest son is very capable, his daughter-in-law is very sensible and well-mannered, and he kept showing everyone Ziqian's photo, describing to them how cute and cheerful this little boy is... I found that it was rather ironic, we knew more about Pa's thing from an outsider...

We knew that he doted on Ziqian alot, so we played baby's video to him, though he couldn't see but he could hear, and he was teary after hearing the video... He was responding to it! A sudden strong guilt overwhelm me, we knew that he loved baby very much, he often called us and wanted to "talk" to baby, always asked us when were we going back to Simei house, but we always so look forward to the weekend to bring baby go gai gai, and always told him next week next week, keep delaying... Now it's all too late, he would never have a chance to carry, hug and kiss Ziqian again...I could have do more but i didn't... I am a lousy daughter-in-law...

Pa is a great father-in-law. He really did lots for me... silently...
When i was pregnant, he would travel to Bedok and buy the beancurd for me coz i commented that it was nice once... When Ben travelled oversea for work during my pregnancy, he called me everyday to ensure im safe... When i gave birth baby, he visited me everyday at hospital... When i told them my decision of taking no pay leave and take care baby full time, he was the 1st person who supported my decision, he said baby needs mummy most at this tender age and he said i can always go back to work when baby is older... Pa, thanks for everything you did for me, i really sad and regret i didn't treat you better and spend more time with you... There are many things i learnt from you: you know how to enjoy life by travelling around, your politeness to everyone around you, your kindness to my parents when you knew they not feeling well...

Pa, i hope you will forgive me on this, i couldn't turn back the clock but i promise you that no matter what happened, i will standby Ben and support him all the way, i will take good care of baby, give him a lovely home for him to grow up healthy and strong... Pa, you rest in peace, i will show Ziqian ah gong's photo when he grow up, telling him ah gong is a very very nice old man.. We will never forget you Pa... We love you...