It hurts...

Feeling super lousy now... My fingers and heart pain and i believe Zq's butt and heart pain very much as well.. He got his 1st beating from me today. Using a cloth hanger and my fingers are sprained as i was using all my strength to beat his butt.

He is getting on my nerves nowadays. He is so eloquent that he not only communicate well but he also use harsh and rude words on me. Whenever he's on playdate with his friends, be it at our house or other's place, he usually get very excited and forgot all about his manners! He would say things like 我不喜欢你妈妈，我要打妈妈，这是我的还给我，我生气了，he screamed and shouted these words with nasty actions also. I tried many methods to teach him and correct him but it just doesn't work at all. I tried soft approach like reason out with him by telling him that i feel very hurt by his remark, it's not right to say these, we shouldn't say such things as it makes us a bad boy. I tried to threaten him, like we will go back home immediately if he said such word again, no more playdate for him, no more reading of his favourite story book. No use at all.

I was so furious today that once his little friends left our place. I brought him into his room, closed the door and whacked him up with a cloth hanger. I asked him tell me what did you do wrong? He replied crying and said he shouldn't say such words. I said i had given you many many chances already but why you never listen at all?! I pulled down his pants and beat on his buttock real hard, i beat him up continuously till i sprained my fingers so pain that i couldn't continue. He was crying all the while and was rather shocked by my actions as i gave him verbal lectures all the while and never beat his butt with anything before. I couldn't contain and control my anger and i continued to give him a few slaps on face. I might have gone crazy but i really couldn't tolerate an impolite and no manners kid! Am i expecting too much from a nearly 3 year old boy? I am not sure... It just hurt me lots to hear these from him and no matter how many warnings i gave, he still repeat this! I am a total failure, i am a lousy mother, i couldn't find a way to reason these out with him till i resort to physical punishment. My heart bleed when i think of such a rude kid i have and when i saw the marks on his butt, it's all red and some parts are swollen... I am worse than a beast..

I never talked to him after the beating. I was using my laptop and he was entertaining himself around me silently, often steal a few glances at me and asked me some questions that i didn't want to reply. Then he took my home slipper from bedroom and put it down nicely beside me, i was touched at that moment but i was still very angry then and reluctant to look at him. Put him to bed without a hug, a kiss and a bedtime story, i can see that he feel hurt, but i seriously hope he learnt his lesson. I am not sure am i disciplining him appropriately, but i know that the last thing i want is him turning into a rude and arrogant kid.